postictal | ic inbox; entranceway

why not
because it "can't" be?
because it'd be cruel or stupid or wrong?

that's how the world is
i don't know where you've been living this whole time

[This is a losing battle.]

maybe you're right

but that's not how wonderland works

you dying would solve nothing

you think i don't know that
the point was to just get myself out of the way for twenty four fucking hours
i knew it wasn't gonna be permanent

[He almost asks then what's the point? He stops himself. That's not what it's about. It's about--relief. Rest. Protecting someone for a little while. It's any number of reasons. It's not about some kind of logical, reasonable point.]

are you gonna try it again

why's it matter

we're friends.

[It should just be simple.]

i'd try to stop you

then what makes you think i'd tell you one way or another

tim i'm not

gonna be like breathing down your neck or whatever

waiting for you to run off again

i just

[Just what, Sans? How is any of this helping?]

i want to help if i can

do YOU tell people when you need help?

['Cause it sure didn't seem like that kind of straightforward admission is his M.O. Not when he's messaging Tim to ask about movies for fuck's sake, instead of what he so clearly actually wanted to talk about.]

[Yeesh. Tim's really going for the low blows today.]

i'm trying

but you're misdirecting

this isn't about me

[Can you blame him?]

[The guy barges into Tim's inbox asking shit about movies that he didn't really want to talk about and then follows that up with hey, just in case we didn't discuss the subject of your extreme suicide ideation enough, are you thinking of killing yourself again? I just want to know so that I can fucking stop you, 'cause I did just a stellar job of that last time.]

[Can you blame him?]

you literally told me it was about you
remember

you're the one who can't let go

[No. He really can't.]

[And yeah, he does remember that.]

that wasn't what i meant

you're trying to derail me. it's not gonna work

[He's the guy who stands between people and the end of things, because being an immovable object is all he's really good for.]

you're a professional derailer
and you admitted to me straight up that you'd stop me

so no i'm not telling you anything

[He doesn't answer for a good twenty minutes or so.]

okay.

[He'll just have to keep an eyesocket on Tim. Fine.]

can you tell me one thing, though?

do you remember what happened to you that max had to rewind?

i don't remember, but if i called max because of it it must have been bad

[That's too easy. It's too easy an acquiescence. Meaning this is just someone else he thought could be his friend, only to realize that he's possessed of the same kind of passive, slack-jawed compassion as Jay. The kind that doesn't intervene until it's way too late but will take personal responsibility regardless.]

[Fuck this.]

no
i don't remember what happens when she does that
i can guess

neither can i

what's your guess, then?

if you don't mind telling me

[If he knows how to handle it next time, he might not have to get Max involved.]

[Oh, so now he asks.]

i have seizures sometimes
it's a human thing
if you're unlucky

so what does that mean?

and if it happens what should i do?

it means all your muscles seize and you convulse and you black out and have trouble breathing
there's nothing anyone can do once it happens

[Except get far, far away from him once the postictal stage settles in.]

my meds are supposed to keep it from happening

[Seizure=seizing. Well, yup, that makes sense. It's not something that happens to monsters, but he at least knows what the words mean. Jerky movements, trouble breathing...he can imagine that his past self saw that and assumed Tim was dying.]

jeez. okay

so there's nothing i can do but just...let it happen?

what if you stop breathing?

i could carry extra meds around or something

[They're just pills, right? He's got pockets for days, and they're mostly just filled with ketchup and lint. Carrying around a bottle of pills wouldn't be too hard.]

you're gonna try asking the closets for a specific prescription for someone else when you don't even know what it is i'm taking?
when i barely know myself?

most seizures don't last longer than a few minutes
i'll live

you're probably better off not being around once it starts

they *are* magic closets

or you could tell me what it is and i could try to get it that way

i know maybe two things about humans work so i'm kinda just throwing spaghetti at a wall here

[He keeps trying to get Papyrus to do that too, but no luck so far.]

so basically next time i should just leave you alone and not call anyone?

[It's a wretched thought, but Sans wonders if Tim maybe isn't telling him something important so that the next time it happens, Tim will just conveniently die, and no one will blame anyone. Maybe Sans will look this up in the library, just in case.]

i just told you i don't even know what's in it

[He just knows that it works.]

and yes
just don't fucking film it to post it online
i've lived with this my whole life without anyone needing to take care of me after i learned how to deal with it

i'm not your babysitter tim

that's not what this is

i don't know what else to tell you
it's not my fault that you don't know how humans work and never bothered to learn

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