Yeah, and the last thing we need is this getting out even further. He told you how it spreads, right?
[The words are sharp, clipped, tense - because Alex was right, in the end. He was always goddamn right about all of it. And Tim really should have taken matters into his own hands before he ended up here, and trapped everyone in his personal hell with him.]
If Max knew that Tim was thinking along the same lines that Alex thought... that would scare her. Friends with Alex or not, the man had crazy tendencies, and she knows it.
And as much as she hates to admit it... Tim might have a point. He's the expert here, and she can't think of any resolution to their situation. She lets out an exasperated and resigned huff as her only response.]
[All he gets is a frustrated sigh, and he knows there's no options here. No options but equally shitty ones that'll get them nowhere but the same place he always ends up.]
[When Tim speaks again, it's tired. It's achingly, endlessly tired, and it sounds slightly muffled; his face is planted firmly in his hands.]
If I knew a way out - don't you think I would have taken it?
I do-... [Max replies quickly, keenly aware that her own frustration is pointed at the situation and not the victim. She tries to make her empathy apparent in her tone, reigning in her more negative emotions for now. Or trying to, anyway.] Believe me, I do. And I wish I was more help. If you need anything...
[He's the one who's been living with it. Like it or not, he's the one most closely tethered to all of it. He can hear it, the specter of it pinned beneath her wavering tone. Straining to make itself heard. Trying to be nice, because for the first time, maybe she can conceptualize a fraction of what he's been through.]
[Of what Alex did his damnedest to live with, until he decided that he shouldn't bother trying to live at all.]
[And took everyone he could with him.]
I just - need to know. If you see anything else. If you feel anything else.
[And the truth is... she does feel bad for him. Not that she needs an excuse to be nice to people. Max has always ever been naturally good to people- something Chloe never let her live down. After all this mess, it's hard to remember why she was so mad at Tim in the first place, but she does.
That video of him beating up a restrained Alex. That one event in the forest at night, when Tim was a child, and Max discovered with certainty that she could still rewind.
Everyone's dealing with their own shit. Tim's happens to be more than most. And she should cut him some slack. But balancing that against her initial dislike for him... Well, it leaves things awkward.]
[There's a shift of cloth on wood as he straightens in his seat abruptly, and his tone sharpens, more intent.]
Yeah, actually.
[It's more of a do not than a please do but you know what? It counts. It absolutely counts. There's a fine line he's trying to straddle here without straining anything or breaking anything irreversibly, and he's gonna do his best to damn well walk it.]
I wouldn't...talk to Jay about any of this. I mean, it might be fine, but - he and Alex kinda had some things in - common.
[Like the way they ultimately chose to deal with the things in their lives. The things that would not, could not, fully understand.]
Huh. [She knows very little about Jay, but she wouldn't have thought he was like Alex. She tends to assume that people aren't mean like that.
But this favor is something she can totally do. Even if Tim hadn't asked her to outright.]
Trust me, talking to Jay is way at the bottom of the list of things I'll ever do. [That comes out a lot meaner than she meant it to, so she backtracks.] No offense... I just don't wanna dig myself in any deeper.
[There's no knowing what Jay would do with that - or how, uh, insensitive he might be. How much he'd push for answers that Max does not, in all likelihood, have.]
If anything else comes up - if It starts showing up places it shouldn't?
...Are you saying there's a place where it should be? [She's not mocking- it's an honest attempt at humor, but she's tired. So tired.] Don't worry. I already promised I'd tell you.
[It's an earnest attempt, but it falls flat. There's a long moment of sustained silence, where Tim says nothing, and nothing issues from his end but the quiet cadence of his breathing - no longer quite so ragged, but just as exhausted.]
[That catches her off-guard. She didn't expect moment of vulnerability between both of them.]
...Honestly, I-... [But she's not sure what to say. Eventually all the shit in life gets piled high enough that it doesn't matter anymore. Maybe you start to feel that things will get better- and then something like this snaps it away from you. What did you expect? Chloe showed up and left again to die. Max was just starting to get used to that, to her new crappy lifestyle... So of course something like this would come up.]
...I'm just too exhausted to process it right now. Don't worry about it. It's not you.
[It's nice of her to say it. But he knows that it is. Like it or not - it is him. It was his head that inflicted this on her. It was his nightmare, his problem, his words, his brain that ravaged her.]
[That, and Alex's words. Maybe long before Tim himself ever came along.]
[He's taken up enough of her time. He and Alex both have monopolized enough of her memories, enough of her mind, annexed enough of her thoughts between the two of them, to last her a lifetime.]
[To last them both.]
Either way, I... [He's already apologized. What else can he do?] Just...tell me. If you need anything.
Yup. [Her voice is a little clipped. She feels like she wants to add something. Another apology, or some kind words, or... fuck. Something that actually helps. But she has no idea what that is.
So instead she shuffles the phone awkwardly from one hand to the next. And back again.]
So I'll... see you around.
[Perfect words to end a life-changing conversation.
[Voice]
[The words are sharp, clipped, tense - because Alex was right, in the end. He was always goddamn right about all of it. And Tim really should have taken matters into his own hands before he ended up here, and trapped everyone in his personal hell with him.]
[Voice]
Alex.
If Max knew that Tim was thinking along the same lines that Alex thought... that would scare her. Friends with Alex or not, the man had crazy tendencies, and she knows it.
And as much as she hates to admit it... Tim might have a point. He's the expert here, and she can't think of any resolution to their situation. She lets out an exasperated and resigned huff as her only response.]
[Voice]
[When Tim speaks again, it's tired. It's achingly, endlessly tired, and it sounds slightly muffled; his face is planted firmly in his hands.]
If I knew a way out - don't you think I would have taken it?
[Voice]
[Voice]
[He's the one who's been living with it. Like it or not, he's the one most closely tethered to all of it. He can hear it, the specter of it pinned beneath her wavering tone. Straining to make itself heard. Trying to be nice, because for the first time, maybe she can conceptualize a fraction of what he's been through.]
[Of what Alex did his damnedest to live with, until he decided that he shouldn't bother trying to live at all.]
[And took everyone he could with him.]
I just - need to know. If you see anything else. If you feel anything else.
[Voice]
That video of him beating up a restrained Alex. That one event in the forest at night, when Tim was a child, and Max discovered with certainty that she could still rewind.
Everyone's dealing with their own shit. Tim's happens to be more than most. And she should cut him some slack. But balancing that against her initial dislike for him... Well, it leaves things awkward.]
Yeah, of course. You'll... be the first to know.
[And the only one. But that's a sad thought.]
And let me know, too, if there's anything...?
[Voice]
[There is something.]
[There's a shift of cloth on wood as he straightens in his seat abruptly, and his tone sharpens, more intent.]
Yeah, actually.
[It's more of a do not than a please do but you know what? It counts. It absolutely counts. There's a fine line he's trying to straddle here without straining anything or breaking anything irreversibly, and he's gonna do his best to damn well walk it.]
I wouldn't...talk to Jay about any of this. I mean, it might be fine, but - he and Alex kinda had some things in - common.
[Like the way they ultimately chose to deal with the things in their lives. The things that would not, could not, fully understand.]
[Voice]
But this favor is something she can totally do. Even if Tim hadn't asked her to outright.]
Trust me, talking to Jay is way at the bottom of the list of things I'll ever do. [That comes out a lot meaner than she meant it to, so she backtracks.] No offense... I just don't wanna dig myself in any deeper.
[Voice]
[There's no knowing what Jay would do with that - or how, uh, insensitive he might be. How much he'd push for answers that Max does not, in all likelihood, have.]
If anything else comes up - if It starts showing up places it shouldn't?
That's the first hint.
[Voice]
[Voice]
[Until...]
I'm sorry.
[Voice]
...Honestly, I-... [But she's not sure what to say. Eventually all the shit in life gets piled high enough that it doesn't matter anymore. Maybe you start to feel that things will get better- and then something like this snaps it away from you. What did you expect? Chloe showed up and left again to die. Max was just starting to get used to that, to her new crappy lifestyle... So of course something like this would come up.]
...I'm just too exhausted to process it right now. Don't worry about it. It's not you.
[Voice]
[That, and Alex's words. Maybe long before Tim himself ever came along.]
[The thought isn't comforting.]
Like it or not, it is.
[Voice]
Let's just... agree to disagree, Tim. [And get ready for the shit show.]
[Voice]
[He's taken up enough of her time. He and Alex both have monopolized enough of her memories, enough of her mind, annexed enough of her thoughts between the two of them, to last her a lifetime.]
[To last them both.]
Either way, I... [He's already apologized. What else can he do?] Just...tell me. If you need anything.
[Voice]
So instead she shuffles the phone awkwardly from one hand to the next. And back again.]
So I'll... see you around.
[Perfect words to end a life-changing conversation.
FML.]
[Voice]
[He hangs up. God, fuck this. Fuck their entire lives.]