[Enduring every silent second is a trial she's never experienced before. It doesn't matter that she's spent her life waiting and this is another time she has to wait-to watch and watch and hope it doesn't come to the point where she has to clutch the hem of his shirt until her knuckles turn white because she's scared. Terrified that none of this will change anything because-

They're both used to that. The inevitable. The way words can be meaningless when they're sent to battle against secrets and how it won't change anything becomes the most powerful barrier to protect yourself.

She couldn't blame him if he resorted to that. Tries to will something in her heart to reach him-keep him from thinking he has to and-

Raises her hands until she's lightly touching the outer part of his sleeves, like he's going to poof out of existence if she grabs him. And it's weird, suddenly, to see him like that. As if there's nothing she can do to keep him from vanishing, like he's the same as the trail of smoke leading out of his cigarette.

It's hard to not dig her fingers into the fabric covering his arms, but she doesn't. Keeps her hands there as a reminder he's still there no matter how far away he is now, but-

I don't want to either

And she has to blink keep blinking because the tears prickling against her eyelids are distorting her vision of him and she has to keep looking at him. Needs to make sure she doesn't miss whatever remaining opportunities there are because-

He's trying. She can see that and she's trying. She's really trying to-

Be someone else, for a second. Be someone else. Be an Aunt. Be someone strong. Find some kind of blaze she can ignite her heart to keep this going because I don't want to either isn't synonymous with I won't. Because he wants to protect, to save, to help, to be together and there's a part of him that stabs against his heart to keep him from thinking he can. It's what makes this hard, so hard.

I don't want to either doesn't feel like hope. She gave up on that years ago and pretending that it exists is a painful remind of why it doesn't for her. Why it might not for him. But even if it's not hope, hearing that statement is-

It makes her want to be someone else she can be someone else for once she wants to be someone else that keep him warm and safe and happy and why can't she be someone else and-]

I want to-

[Her fingers twitch against his sleeves, like they want to curl in and it's taking all her self-control to keep herself from doing that.]

I want to be with you.

[We can be friends]

I wish I could be 'someone better' and-

[We could be family]

I can't keep people safe. I don't know-I'm not good at things like that, but-

[She loves him.]

Please stay with me.