[Sometimes, back home, the guilt would lance through his chest, and he would wind the tapes back. Listen to Alex's voice, flat and harsh. Watch himself being shoved up against a car, being threatened, watch the gun point toward the lens, wavering as Alex's voice spikes and hitches.]
[It didn't shake, the last time. He didn't speak, the last time.]
[Sometimes he would gather up what he transferred to an external drive of his own, pull up the old video files, labeled only with the date he watched them. XX-XX-09 (X), XX-XX-10 (X). Sometimes he'd listen to them talk. Sometimes he'd listen to Alex talk, his voice still even, but without the harshness. Sometimes the pitch would quirk up, and Jay could tell he was grinning behind the camera.]
[Sometimes, he'd dig through his bags to find the old tapes themselves, run his hands across the edges, scrape the dust out of the cracks.]
he was supposed to be a alex called him a "real blue collar thinking man" god it was in one of the early drafts but it got cut kept the tractor though
[Before he can stop himself, he keeps typing.]
one time we were working on revisions and i dunno i think i mustve missed a couple meals cause i was just pissed off at everything but i went to 711 to get something and alex told me to get him an iced coffee
so i walk all the way out there and it's like may so i'm sweating my ass off and i get all the way back with whatever i got plus alex's coffee and i get back in the house and alex doesn't even LOOK UP like he just HOLDS HIS HAND OUT for the coffee
and i say something i don't remember but it was probably something stupid and alex just jolts like he didn't even notice i was there
which means like his SUBCONSCIOUS or whatever decided i was his gofer like i was the hollywood catering company or whatever
no subject
[Sometimes, back home, the guilt would lance through his chest, and he would wind the tapes back. Listen to Alex's voice, flat and harsh. Watch himself being shoved up against a car, being threatened, watch the gun point toward the lens, wavering as Alex's voice spikes and hitches.]
[
It didn't shake, the last time. He didn't speak, the last time.][Sometimes he would gather up what he transferred to an external drive of his own, pull up the old video files, labeled only with the date he watched them. XX-XX-09 (X), XX-XX-10 (X). Sometimes he'd listen to them talk. Sometimes he'd listen to Alex talk, his voice still even, but without the harshness. Sometimes the pitch would quirk up, and Jay could tell he was grinning behind the camera.]
[Sometimes, he'd dig through his bags to find the old tapes themselves, run his hands across the edges, scrape the dust out of the cracks.]
he was supposed to be a
alex called him a "real blue collar thinking man"
god
it was in one of the early drafts but it got cut
kept the tractor though
[Before he can stop himself, he keeps typing.]
one time we were working on revisions
and i dunno i think i mustve missed a couple meals cause i was just pissed off at everything
but i went to 711 to get something
and alex told me to get him an iced coffee
so i walk all the way out there
and it's like may so i'm sweating my ass off
and i get all the way back with whatever i got plus alex's coffee
and i get back in the house
and alex doesn't even LOOK UP
like he just HOLDS HIS HAND OUT for the coffee
and i say something
i don't remember but it was probably something stupid
and alex just jolts
like he didn't even notice i was there
which means
like
his SUBCONSCIOUS or whatever decided i was his gofer
like i was the hollywood catering company or whatever
i dunno
kept thinking about it though