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Entry tags:
Character-Relevant Quotes
[contains heavy spoilers within, as well as discussion of hallucinations, suicide, suicide ideation, depression, extreme self-blame and self-loathing, medication, self-harm, mental illness, and anxiety/panic disorder.]
"HE IS A LIAR"
-totheark, pretty much constantly
"Yep. Friday at two. I'll be there. Just headaches, paranoia, trouble sleeping. I haven't had a full night's sleep in weeks. [...] Well, I had some history with this kind of thing before, but I'd rather not talk about it over the phone if that's okay."
-Tim W. on the phone with his doctor, Entry #55
"So much of the last few years makes so much sense now. I was doing fine. I was getting better. And then - [violent coughing] Imagine waking up one morning in the back seat of your car, miles away from home, with blood in your hair, and you have no idea how that happened. Imagine waking up one morning with your leg broken and no memory whatsoever of that happening. Think about that. Imagine not being able to keep a job because you call into work one morning and they say, 'Oh, we're sorry. We had to fire you because we haven't heard from you for the last three weeks!' [violent coughing] But then suddenly it stops, and I start getting better. And I can hold steady work, I can function like a normal human being for once in my life. And then suddenly you show up, pointing a camera in my face, bringing back old memories like it couldn't possibly have any effect on anybody else! And you're not even trying to fix any of this! All you do is point your camera at every little thing that happens! How does that help anybody?"
-Tim W., Entry #59
"You can keep making your little detective videos all you want, but do me a favor and stay out of my life."
-Tim W., Entry #59
"Reason for admission/chief complaint is 'insomnia, headaches, possible disorder'. I have no idea what that means, it's…really vague. Uh, he's listed here as on an anticonvulsant as a 'seizure precaution', and it says here he has a history of falls, which I'm assuming has something to do with seizures. Uh, under 'pain history assessment', on a scale of one to ten, it says his pain is at a six, uh, from frequent headaches. There’s also an, uh, emotional barrier to learning. I’m not sure what that could be. [...] Uh, down here it says, ‘do you feel safe in your home?’ and ‘are you afraid of anyone?’ Apparently, uh, he answered 'yes' at first then changed it to 'no'. All right, under, uh, comfort/rest/sleep it says he’s unable to fall asleep easily and sleeps about four hours a night. Um, pain is still listed as a six out of ten it says. Location is the head, duration is two to four hours. Chronic, greater than six months. Aggravated by talking. I don’t know what that could possibly signify. Uh, the next to last page, near the bottom, it makes note that he ran away from home, two…somethings ago. It could have been days, weeks, months, hours, minutes. I don’t know. But it does say he was found at Rosswood Park. Last page is a Fall Risk Assessment with checks next to ‘confused, disoriented, hallucinating, combative.’ And also, um, medical history of seizures, postural hypotension, with ‘seizures’ underlined.”
-Jay Merrick reading Tim's medical files from 1995, Entry 60.5
“The last form is a ‘Suicide or Self Harm Assessment Tool.’ Uh, Tim scored a 14, which was considered, uh, high risk. Uh, it says here ‘Unwilling to contract -OR- Unable to contract because of impaired reality testing. ‘Hallucinations’ is underlined. Symptoms: hopelessness, anger or rage, and anhedonia, which I looked up and is apparently the inability to experience, uh, happiness or pleasure. Uh, also, replies were questionable, so who knows if he was lying or not about anything on here.”
-Jay Merrick reading Tim's medical files, Entry 60.5
"This doesn't just affect you anymore. It concerns both of us. We've got to figure out what to do, otherwise one of us could end up dead."
-Tim W., Entry #63
"Where is it? Where is it? Is it in here? Where else could it be? What is it? Let me out, let me out, let me out! No, no, no! It’s right there! It came from right there! It wasn't me! I promise it wasn't me! It wasn't me! What do you want? What do you want?"
-Tim W., Entry #65
"[...] the doctors would never tell me to my face either but I would always hear them say things like 'violent episodes' or 'delusions', you know, stuff you can’t just tell a little kid."
-Tim W., Entry #66
"One of the problems I was having was hallucinations. I had a lot of them. Part of me knew they weren’t real but that didn’t make them go away. Or maybe I just didn’t want them to at the time. At one point they got so bad that I kept escaping from my room. I’d hide in the maintenance tunnel or run off to Rosswood Park, which you know isn’t that far away from here. And whenever they would find me, I would say that I was hiding from whatever it was I was seeing so they’d bring me back and...they didn’t have much of a choice except to lock me in here. That’s when it was at its worst. I’d be clawing at the walls and screaming at all hours of the night. They had to up my dosage just to calm me down, to the point that I was almost numb."
-Tim. W., Entry #66
"That’s the thing; I can’t remember any of [the hallucinations]. Probably because of the medication. It didn’t cure me exactly but it kind of leveled me out enough that I was able to go to a normal school. I got transferred to another facility, got into college. That’s where I met Brian, the first real friend I remember having."
-Tim W., Entry #66
"I’m saying what if this is my fault? Alex could be a normal person, you could be living a normal life, so could Jessica, so could everybody else if it wasn’t for me. I have no way of knowing that for sure but that’s always gonna be in the back of my mind. How am I supposed to handle that? [...] I’ve blamed everybody else except for me and I could be the one who started it!"
-Tim W., Entry #66
"You know, that’s kind of a difficult thing to deal with. But just remember, you’re not the only one, if that helps."
-Tim W., Entry #72
"I never said you were stupid! But this is the second time this has happened and in case you forgotten, I have some experience with hallucinations. [...] This is how it started with me. Is that how you want to end up?"
-Tim W., Entry #72
"WHO ARE THE LIARS? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM? ARE YOU BOTH OF THEM?"
-totheark, Conversion
"Why am I the only one that's still here? I don't wanna be by myself again. This had been bad enough. Thought about buying a gun the other day, but...glad I didn't. I wouldn't trust myself around one of those anyway."
-Tim W., Entry #85
"This is all your fault. I thought it was me, but you're the source. You're the reason any of this happened. Everyone is gone because of you! You left Jay. And you left Brian. Everything that's happened is your fault! And it's not gonna end until you're dead! So I'll tell you what: if you don't do the right thing and burn to death, you come and find me."
-Alex Kralie, Entry #85
"All of this can be stopped. Everyone else is gone. You're the only one that's left. All you have to do is give up. Then I can stop this disease from spreading. You're the one that brought this here. You're the reason it came for us. If I hadn't done something, it could have spread to even more people. This can finally be over."
-Alex Kralie, Entry #86
"Alex? It doesn't have to be like this. It's not protecting you, it's controlling you. But we can fight it together. I know what it's like. I can help you! I've had to live with this my entire life. But I've learned how to block it out. I can show you how! If you kill me, then what's gonna happen, huh? What's gonna happen to you then? You'll just be a shell of a person, just like Brian."
-Tim W., Entry #86
"I know exactly what happened to Brian. You killed him. And he died here slowly because of you. How does it feel to have killed one of your friends this time?"
-Alex Kralie, Entry #86
"What makes you think I'm the only source? There could be hundreds of others! Thousands! You could be spreading it too! It's just using you to get what it wants!"
-Tim W., Entry #86
"You weren't containing it. You were just feeding it. [...] When you killed Amy, did you feel like you were in control then? You missed someone."
- Tim W., Entry #86
"It's a disease. You see how this spreads. If there's someone left you have to kill them. And then yourself."
-Alex Kralie, Entry #86
"Everything is fine."
-Tim W., Entry #87
"HE IS A LIAR"
-totheark, pretty much constantly
"Yep. Friday at two. I'll be there. Just headaches, paranoia, trouble sleeping. I haven't had a full night's sleep in weeks. [...] Well, I had some history with this kind of thing before, but I'd rather not talk about it over the phone if that's okay."
-Tim W. on the phone with his doctor, Entry #55
"So much of the last few years makes so much sense now. I was doing fine. I was getting better. And then - [violent coughing] Imagine waking up one morning in the back seat of your car, miles away from home, with blood in your hair, and you have no idea how that happened. Imagine waking up one morning with your leg broken and no memory whatsoever of that happening. Think about that. Imagine not being able to keep a job because you call into work one morning and they say, 'Oh, we're sorry. We had to fire you because we haven't heard from you for the last three weeks!' [violent coughing] But then suddenly it stops, and I start getting better. And I can hold steady work, I can function like a normal human being for once in my life. And then suddenly you show up, pointing a camera in my face, bringing back old memories like it couldn't possibly have any effect on anybody else! And you're not even trying to fix any of this! All you do is point your camera at every little thing that happens! How does that help anybody?"
-Tim W., Entry #59
"You can keep making your little detective videos all you want, but do me a favor and stay out of my life."
-Tim W., Entry #59
"Reason for admission/chief complaint is 'insomnia, headaches, possible disorder'. I have no idea what that means, it's…really vague. Uh, he's listed here as on an anticonvulsant as a 'seizure precaution', and it says here he has a history of falls, which I'm assuming has something to do with seizures. Uh, under 'pain history assessment', on a scale of one to ten, it says his pain is at a six, uh, from frequent headaches. There’s also an, uh, emotional barrier to learning. I’m not sure what that could be. [...] Uh, down here it says, ‘do you feel safe in your home?’ and ‘are you afraid of anyone?’ Apparently, uh, he answered 'yes' at first then changed it to 'no'. All right, under, uh, comfort/rest/sleep it says he’s unable to fall asleep easily and sleeps about four hours a night. Um, pain is still listed as a six out of ten it says. Location is the head, duration is two to four hours. Chronic, greater than six months. Aggravated by talking. I don’t know what that could possibly signify. Uh, the next to last page, near the bottom, it makes note that he ran away from home, two…somethings ago. It could have been days, weeks, months, hours, minutes. I don’t know. But it does say he was found at Rosswood Park. Last page is a Fall Risk Assessment with checks next to ‘confused, disoriented, hallucinating, combative.’ And also, um, medical history of seizures, postural hypotension, with ‘seizures’ underlined.”
-Jay Merrick reading Tim's medical files from 1995, Entry 60.5
“The last form is a ‘Suicide or Self Harm Assessment Tool.’ Uh, Tim scored a 14, which was considered, uh, high risk. Uh, it says here ‘Unwilling to contract -OR- Unable to contract because of impaired reality testing. ‘Hallucinations’ is underlined. Symptoms: hopelessness, anger or rage, and anhedonia, which I looked up and is apparently the inability to experience, uh, happiness or pleasure. Uh, also, replies were questionable, so who knows if he was lying or not about anything on here.”
-Jay Merrick reading Tim's medical files, Entry 60.5
"This doesn't just affect you anymore. It concerns both of us. We've got to figure out what to do, otherwise one of us could end up dead."
-Tim W., Entry #63
"Where is it? Where is it? Is it in here? Where else could it be? What is it? Let me out, let me out, let me out! No, no, no! It’s right there! It came from right there! It wasn't me! I promise it wasn't me! It wasn't me! What do you want? What do you want?"
-Tim W., Entry #65
"[...] the doctors would never tell me to my face either but I would always hear them say things like 'violent episodes' or 'delusions', you know, stuff you can’t just tell a little kid."
-Tim W., Entry #66
"One of the problems I was having was hallucinations. I had a lot of them. Part of me knew they weren’t real but that didn’t make them go away. Or maybe I just didn’t want them to at the time. At one point they got so bad that I kept escaping from my room. I’d hide in the maintenance tunnel or run off to Rosswood Park, which you know isn’t that far away from here. And whenever they would find me, I would say that I was hiding from whatever it was I was seeing so they’d bring me back and...they didn’t have much of a choice except to lock me in here. That’s when it was at its worst. I’d be clawing at the walls and screaming at all hours of the night. They had to up my dosage just to calm me down, to the point that I was almost numb."
-Tim. W., Entry #66
"That’s the thing; I can’t remember any of [the hallucinations]. Probably because of the medication. It didn’t cure me exactly but it kind of leveled me out enough that I was able to go to a normal school. I got transferred to another facility, got into college. That’s where I met Brian, the first real friend I remember having."
-Tim W., Entry #66
"I’m saying what if this is my fault? Alex could be a normal person, you could be living a normal life, so could Jessica, so could everybody else if it wasn’t for me. I have no way of knowing that for sure but that’s always gonna be in the back of my mind. How am I supposed to handle that? [...] I’ve blamed everybody else except for me and I could be the one who started it!"
-Tim W., Entry #66
"You know, that’s kind of a difficult thing to deal with. But just remember, you’re not the only one, if that helps."
-Tim W., Entry #72
"I never said you were stupid! But this is the second time this has happened and in case you forgotten, I have some experience with hallucinations. [...] This is how it started with me. Is that how you want to end up?"
-Tim W., Entry #72
"WHO ARE THE LIARS? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM? ARE YOU BOTH OF THEM?"
-totheark, Conversion
"Why am I the only one that's still here? I don't wanna be by myself again. This had been bad enough. Thought about buying a gun the other day, but...glad I didn't. I wouldn't trust myself around one of those anyway."
-Tim W., Entry #85
"This is all your fault. I thought it was me, but you're the source. You're the reason any of this happened. Everyone is gone because of you! You left Jay. And you left Brian. Everything that's happened is your fault! And it's not gonna end until you're dead! So I'll tell you what: if you don't do the right thing and burn to death, you come and find me."
-Alex Kralie, Entry #85
"All of this can be stopped. Everyone else is gone. You're the only one that's left. All you have to do is give up. Then I can stop this disease from spreading. You're the one that brought this here. You're the reason it came for us. If I hadn't done something, it could have spread to even more people. This can finally be over."
-Alex Kralie, Entry #86
"Alex? It doesn't have to be like this. It's not protecting you, it's controlling you. But we can fight it together. I know what it's like. I can help you! I've had to live with this my entire life. But I've learned how to block it out. I can show you how! If you kill me, then what's gonna happen, huh? What's gonna happen to you then? You'll just be a shell of a person, just like Brian."
-Tim W., Entry #86
"I know exactly what happened to Brian. You killed him. And he died here slowly because of you. How does it feel to have killed one of your friends this time?"
-Alex Kralie, Entry #86
"What makes you think I'm the only source? There could be hundreds of others! Thousands! You could be spreading it too! It's just using you to get what it wants!"
-Tim W., Entry #86
"You weren't containing it. You were just feeding it. [...] When you killed Amy, did you feel like you were in control then? You missed someone."
- Tim W., Entry #86
"It's a disease. You see how this spreads. If there's someone left you have to kill them. And then yourself."
-Alex Kralie, Entry #86
"Everything is fine."
-Tim W., Entry #87